I have successfully managed to lose tiny bits of weights several times over the last few years. But the weight loss has never really stuck. Since the last few years, I had been toying with the idea of buying a Fitbit for myself but had never really gotten around to doing it. Last September on the 17th of the month ( my birthday ), my husband decided to gift me a Fitbit. As with all other birthdays of mine, he usually asks me what to gift me and I almost let him know what to buy for me. Funny, I know, but that’s how we roll as a couple! It’s better to let each other know what you want rather than to ummm and aaahh later on when your spouse has bought you something you don’t really care much for. But more about that in another post, some other time.
The Fitbit really did change things for me quite a bit. I am someone who likes being alone atleast for an hour or two everyday and walking is the perfect way to ensure that I give myself that time daily. I love listening to music or a self-help podcast or even stuff related to politics or health while I am out on one of my walks. It is the time I most crave for everyday, as, being an introvert, I need to have time alone with myself to recharge in order to feel like I am ready to take on the world.
However, as with all other attempts at weight loss, this time too- I took the walking with Fitbit quite seriously for about 2 months or so and then finally gave up and got back to my old ways. What’s good is that I did go from weighing about 97 kgs to 88kgs or so within three months and have since managed to stick to the 88-90 kgs range. No mean fit this considering that about a year or two back- I would have gone back to my old weight by now. But I am 5 ft 7 inches tall and this weight is still a lot for my body to handle and it keeps giving me signals that I need to get back to my walking schedule asap. Last October ( 2018 ), I was hitting an average of 15000 steps daily and most days I would continue to walk till my Fitbit had clocked about 20-22k steps.
I have realized that the more I try to push fitness out of my life, the more miserable I become. I have major back pain issues caused by degenerative disc disease which essentially means that if I do not take extra good care of my back right now- old age would be a miserable, miserable space for me. I suffer from debilitating pain quite frequently and as much as sitting in the same spot without moving for anything over thirty minutes can cause my back to hurt a tremendous amount. it is a sharp, searing pain, like I am being stabbed in my spine ( no exaggeration here ) and sometimes it is concentrated in the lower back region but at other times, it just spreads to all over my back. Over the last few years, I have sort of become used to this pain and find that I have subconsciously restricted myself from a lot of activities only because of the persistent question in my mind ‘What if my back isn’t able to take it? ‘
This pisses me off!
Much, much, more than I can say!!!
I have a bit of a fighter spirit, if I may use that term, and I find that when faced with a ‘fight or flight’ situation, my response is usually always to fight. For such a person, then, to give in to a back problem and stop herself from doing things she might otherwise enjoy, feels like a failure, to put it mildly. I often end up berating myself because I realize that there’s nothing I can do to control what has happened to me already but I do have the choice to take complete control of my pain issues in the future. And that control over my life is just what I am not exercising. I can choose to eat well, exercise and focus my efforts on building a stronger core- all activities I know are crucial for my well being now.
Which is why I have decided to post this on my blog today.
I feel that posting this online means making myself more accountable to follow through on what I know I cannot avoid doing any longer. I am going to start on a diet and exercise program which I intend to stick to atleast six days a week starting tomorrow. This time around, I am absolutely determined to do everything in my power to make my core and consequently my back muscles really strong so that I can go back to living a regular life- one that is not marred by disheartening episodes of severe pain.