The must-haves !

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Things I wanted most in a partner before I got married.

1.) Long, mentally invigorating conversations about the world, politics, philosophy, life and love! There’s nothing I love more than a soul-stirring conversation, listening to someone else’s ideas and sharing my ideas, beliefs and opinions with them. People with 2 minute attention spans are people I would, given a chance, like to stay away from.

2.) The desire to travel. I love exploring places, people and ideas. Seeing new places, how people live, the difference in cultures ( even in the same country ) and visiting places of natural beauty is something I have always been deeply interested in. It makes my soul feel alive in a way I cannot quite explain. The more spontaneous the trip, the more I am likely to love the experience but even if it isn’t spontaneous, the mere idea of going out and spending time in nature is like an elixir to my existence. For me, travelling is not about posting pictures and checking in to places on Facebook/Insta ( I might do some of this as well if the place has blown my mind away but in general, I am not much of a FB/Insta poster ), it is the experience and the opportunity of exploring new places and cultures that matters the most.

2.) Ambition, the desire to learn new things, a constant need to grow in life, someone who is deep enough to listen to one hour ( or longer ) podcasts without getting bored and tuning out within the first 2 minutes because they assume they know everything. The desire to learn, the curiosity to know about how others lead successful lives- what sets them apart from others is something that really fuels me and I would have loved to have a partner with the same shared interest.

3.) Phenomenal physical chemistry with my partner. I have had this in a relationship earlier and it has been very important to me. So important, in fact, that when I broke up with that guy I was hugely concerned if I would ever have sex like that with another person again.

4.) A lot of love and respect for me and my family. I was very clear that I wanted a partner who had deep love and concern for his own family because I was sure that if someone met this criterion, they would be the kind of person who would understand my insane level of affection for my family and would not interfere or try to stop me from spending time with my family or doing things for them when I needed to.

5.) A desire to share the load of household chores and decisions equally.

When I do make this list public, I would like to find out how many of my readers want the same things from their partners. You are welcome to share things that are not on this list as well ! 🙂

Love in the time of Corona!

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I have been reading a lot about this whole corona virus situation which has plagued all nations of the world since February this year. It is amazing how nearly half the year has gone by, so quickly, yet we seem to have been unable to do much to contain the situation. India has been under lockdown since the 24th of May and that makes it about a month and a half since the economy and the country as a whole have come to a standstill.

In all the years of my life, I have never experienced a time so fraught with uncertainty and to a control freak like me- this is very disconcerting. Forget about my plans for later this year, I do not even know what next week is going to look like.

The one good thing, however, to emerge from this period of utter uncertainty is that I have been able to spend a lot of time with my delightful ( well, on most days atleast ) husband. Before the 24th of March, I used to yearn for the weekends as that was the only quality time I ever got to spend with him. He is normally always extremely occupied with work and by the time he gets back home, he is so tired that all he wants to do is to have dinner, watch TV, spend some time ( read, a lot ) on his phone and fall asleep. I hope I am not managing to convey that I do not have much work to do and that my organization pays me just to log in to Skype every morning- but I definitely have a much more relaxed schedule as compared to my husband’s. I have the luxury of scheduling meetings when I want to and being able to work from home at least twice or thrice a week. This leaves me considerably less tired and significantly bored at the end of a lot of weekdays and all I want then is to spend time with the husband and ensure that he talks to me or listens to my rants about whatever earth-shattering experience I have managed to convince myself I have had that day. The poor guy tries his darndest to look and sound like he actually cares about whatever’s on my mind. I, of course, know better than to believe that and after trying unsuccessfully for an hour or so to get his undivided attention, will normally give up and go back to my phone, YouTube or books and leave him to unwind in front of the TV.

And so goes every single day of the week, every single week of the year and every single year of our married life.

Do I resent this? Well, some days..yes! But I have now fallen in line with this predictable cycle and any diversion from it is strangely not something I really look forward to.

The lockdown period has also taught me a lot of things about my husband and our relationship.

  • In general, we seem to like each other a lot and are enough to keep the other person entertained most of the time.
  • He isn’t the same person I got married to- there is so much that has changed. And as it probably happens in ‘arranged’ marriages, it has changed for the better. He is a lot more invested in the relationship now, he understands what not to do to tick me off ( at least 8 out of 10 times ), he knows, understands and fulfills his duties when it comes to household chores and taking care of my family – he calls them much more often now as compared to earlier,  and tries to ensure that they are in comfort at all times.
  • ( At this point, I turn to superstition and I urge you ( very strongly ) to touch any wooden object near you as many times as possible in order to ensure that this lovely man continues to be as lovely to me in the foreseeable future.)
  • He can only play so much Ludo on the phone with me.
  • There is no limit to the number of tiger/leopard attack videos he can watch and forward to random people on whatsapp. There never will be a limit to this. Or so I suspect.
  • If ever, there was anyone who suffered from a bad case of FOMO ( go check that out on Google, you non-millenials ), it is this lovely human being that I am married to.
  • I have never known another person who loves his parents so much and is SO willing to take care of every need that they have, sometimes even before they are aware of the need themselves!
  • He loves me and is proud of me. But he will usually never admit it unless we’ve had a fight and he’s trying to make up with me later on by telling me how badly behaved I have been despite all the love and pride he feels for me!
  • He also just happens to be the funniest person I have ever personally known. The jokes and the quick wit are absolutely legendary in the small circle of friends we have and there is no party or gathering where I am welcome unless I am accompanied by this 6 ft 3 inch heap of jokes.

I am not sure what I aim to achieve by telling you about my husband but my cup was running over as far as love for him was concerned and whenever that happens, I feel the need to write things down immediately. I seldom get around to doing that, of course, so I am quite glad today at having been able to pen this down.

The next time we get into a fight and there’s all that conversation about who loves the other person more, I will make sure that he gets to read this!

Wicked, right? I know! 😉

Tee, hee, hee!